I am Thalihanna

I scream a blood-curling scream
An excruciating scream that can be heard by none
Emptiness and loneliness seen by so few

Tears and pain wait for me in the darkness
And darkness pushes me into the terrors of my mind
Nightmares constantly haunt me
Even in reality, they refuse to set me free

I fall asleep with tears silently falling down my face
My world is shattered
The pieces of my heart cover the floor

Truth be told!
These aren't just nightmares
Reality has come to haunt me everynight in my sleep
Why must this life be full of grief?!

I wake up, and try to step forward
Every little piece of me-scarred!
But with every step I take, my feet slice open
And all the pain comes once again

Resounding echoes my heart had to grasp
Inner strength, I try to find, is crushed
There must be some kind of hope
Something to hold onto to keep me afloat... :'(

by: Thalihanna Belle

Hello. My name is Thalihanna and I’m Asian-Spanish descent. I am a shy girl.I don’t know why I’m shy.I always tell myself to just get over it,but it’s something I will probably struggle w/ for the rest of my life. I’ve learned to accept this as part of my personality,but sometimes it just makes my life difficult. I have a naturally quiet voice so when I do speak,people talk right over me. Sometimes it’s easier for me not to say anything at all.I get all sweaty or shivery every time I have to speak in public. And I plan out what I'm going to say in every situation in order to force myself to talk,but I end up not saying anything or messing up what I planned to say.

ADVANTAGES
The way I’ve been talking about shyness,it seems like a disease,but there are plenty of advantages to being shy:
* I can come across as quiet and mysterious,which is sexy.Besides,guys don’t like girls who talk too much.It’s like Ursula sings in “The Little Mermaid,” “The men up there don’t like a lot of blabber.They think a girl who gossips is a bore.”



MISCONCEPTIONS
Everybody makes judgments about me based on my shyness,&usually they are wrong.I can’t tell you how many times somebody has told me,”You are so cool,but I used to think you were weird.”Here are some common misconceptions that every shy girl knows are complete bogus:
* You’re quiet because you’re a snob or a bitch.This is one of the most common misconceptions.It’s hard for extroverts to understand shyness.The loud girls would never understand that I didn’t talk because I was so shy that sometimes it made me sick to my stomach to talk to others.They would assume that I didn’t talk because I thought I was too good for them.
* You don’t talk because you have nothing interesting to say.I feel like there is so much in my brain I just want to say.Maybe one day,I’ll just explode and say everything I’m thinking.I can’t really explain it,but I feel like there is this physical barrier between my brain and my mouth.I am constantly in a battle w/myself.By the time I win,the moment has passed and whatever I was going to say is no longer relevant.
* Shy girls aren’t funny. People thinK I have no sense of humor. Because I’m so quiet,it’s hard for others to get a handle on my personality. If others would make a joke,they would make it clear to me that they were kidding so I wouldn’t get offended,but they didn’t realize I never took offense. When I made sarcastic comments(which was often),nobody realized I was joking and they didn’t know how to react.



As the Beatles song goes,”It’s getting better all the time(it can’t get no worse).”Although I will never stop being shy,it’s becoming less of a problem…but it fluctuates. There are times when my shyness is especially bad. When I’m depressed I tend to retreat into my room and stop talking to people–that’s the”It can’t get no worse part,”but for the most part, “It’s getting better all the time.”
I will never completely overcome my shyness and I’m OK with that.

It was around 7:30am when we hit the road. The sun was beclouded, and the skies looked achromic. I am the kind of person who dozes off during road trips. I guess clapping eyes on the movement of the vehicles on the road, and all the sways ours makes from changing lanes drift me into sleep. It kind of feels like a hammock to me. It was about 9 when I woke up to San Diego and
just a few minutes later, we finally made it to Mission Bay.

As the clouds sashayed off, unveiling clear blue skies, the sun brought forth its golden luster. It glistened on water exquisitely.
We could already feel its warm touch on our skin, but it was null matched up to the chill the wind gave.

Today was our very first Beach Day in this year and we're so glad to have spent it with our close family friends and with those two new kids they brought along with them. Those girls were so affable, or perhaps too sweet that they made me fall for them dearly. (middle: Tanya) (left: Trisha [if im not mistaken]) I love how they gave me their " pretty please" faces, while they begged for me to get in the water with them. And guess what, -When we were having a swim, they kept asking if I had a boyfriend. *laughs* Oh, i almost forgot to mention that for the first time, we finally met my sister Daisy's fiancé, Ed. He seemed to be a pretty cool guy.

It was an ideal day for beach. Not only was the sun up, but the wind was pretty much chilly to keep it all good. Besides, i don't really mind cold wind because I'm not a summer gal. I'm one of those people who hate hot weather. Of all the people, we were the only ones with music and table filled with delicious food. What can i say, we just love a good family-friends get-together.


All in all, it was an awesome jaunt! Right now, it's 6:36 pm and I'm in the back seat finishing this off. :)
We are heading back to Los Angeles and I am lying on my back, gazing through the window. The traffic is suave. The sun is still effulgent, and the skies are regressing to gray, just like earlier this morning.